As the summer winds down and kids start back to school, a lot of folks decide to take their first real step in the divorce process. I routinely see a lot of people in August who haven’t decided what to do and need to know what will lie ahead of them legally before they make a very tough decision.
There’s something about the beginning of fall and the kids going back to school that clarifies things. It’s a time of new beginnings and for some the new beginning is divorce.
Divorce is hard. It doesn’t matter if you’re the one who chooses to divorce or the one on whom the choice is imposed. It is a life-altering event. Like all life-altering events, it makes you stop and really evaluate your life. The good, the not so good. 25 years ago I had breast cancer, and at the time I’d been a divorce lawyer for 10 years and thought I understood my clients. I found as time went on that I had really hadn’t understood the unexpected positives that come from pain endured and fear survived. You learn how strong you really can be.
I was inspired for this post by a recent post by Shawn Garrison for DadsDivorce. While DadsDivorce is of course written for divorcing fathers, it can be a good resource for moms too.
Enjoy this beautiful day.
Our barn cat, Ashley, is shocked and appalled.
Well, cheaters beware! Last week I posted on the Ashley Madison hack. The hackers were largely silent for about a month after they went into Ashley Madison’s database and lifted information on 32 million of the 37 million subscribers.
Lo and behold, last night the hackers released the stolen list of Ashley Madison users. I think our Divorce group may want to do some cross referencing of names here…
Ashley, our barn cat, is very upset to have her name associated with this kind of scandal.
This seemed like an apt post following CiCi’s miniseries on the The 7 Deadly (Tech) Sins of Divorce. There’s a huge scandal right now revolving around precisely what you shouldn’t do BEFORE getting divorced.
I remember being shocked when I first found out about Ashley Madison’s business. I shouldn’t have been, since you can find anything on the internet. I know, as do all divorce lawyers, that certain folks will cheat, and they will cheat serially throughout their marriages. But there was just something uber-contrived about a site for people who wanted to cheat to find people with whom to cheat. Especially one that claims it has 37 million members! I mean, really, if you can’t find your own mistress, that’s just plain lazy.
And now they’re in deep trouble. Ashley has been hacked. Some of her clientele has been outed, including a man from Massachusetts‘ own town of Brockton! At our divorce group lunch there was a not-entirely-humorous suggestion that we check the names of parties against the published names of Ashley’s clientele. While most judges don’t pay a lot of attention to a party having had an affair, they do look at the cost of the affair, and if affairs were a pattern during the marriage as opposed to a symptom that the marriage is ending. The forethought and deliberation that it takes to hire a service, create a profile and actively seek to find someone who wants to cheat might well be enough to focus the judge’s attention on behavior.
In any case, if I have one ironclad piece of advice it would be: “Don’t cheat!” It will cost you. Not so much in what the court does or doesn’t do, but in how you will hurt your spouse and how that pain will translate into much, much higher legal fees. Although nothing has happened with the hackers’ list of names and information since the scandal first broke, there could be a steep little spike in divorce cases were that list to be leaked.