The joyous holiday season is almost upon us! For divorce attorneys, this is always viewed with some trepidation, as we tend to find ourselves in courtrooms arguing over who goes to dinner or Christmas or Hanukkah with whom – not necessarily an uplifting process.
I have been gleaning a series of articles and points of view that relate loosely to children and divorce and may be of use to some of you out there trying to negotiate the morass of this season.
The first is from one of my favorite bloggers Jason — of the Minnesota Family Law Blog. The eight points should be every divorcing parent’s mantra, no matter how horrible your soon to be ex or ex is, it is NEVER the kids fault and important to remember that the kids can, and do, get lost and damaged in the process.
The concept of a safe caregiver is discussed in the construct of an intact family, but it becomes even more potent and poignant when parents can’t agree, or even discuss, what constitutes a safe person to leave a child with. The other parent usually is the guardian or the custodial parent should one of you die. Often the problem of safety arises with caregivers, girlfriends, boyfriends over whom you have NO control. The best advice (and sometimes as we all know this is impossible) is to have agreement with your ex over what the parameters for a safe person will be and the ability for both of you to raise concerns and have them heard and respected. If that is impossible then often the courts are your recourse.
And finally some good advise from Donna Ferber about how to handle this Thanksgiving if it is your first alone. The firsts are always hardest.