Tip # 4 of the Top 5 To-Do’s When You Want to Divorce: How to Leave Your Lover

Hi there,

I suppose I shouldn’t joke about this, but believe me, you will need to cultivate a black sense of humor to get through the divorce process.

Telling your spouse that you want a divorce is a deeply personal decision and everyone’s circumstances are different.  You may already be having fights where you both threaten divorce.  The “D” word may never have crossed your lips or your spouse’s mind, or your reality may fall anywhere in between these two extremes.  If there is any threat of violence this tip does not apply.

If you are the one planning the divorce and you have the luxury of time, use it.  Don’t telegraph what you are planning until you have your ducks in a row (see tips #1, #2 and #3 to get started).  I am in favor of doing this in the least hurtful, least threatening manner possible, simply because how you begin the process can often curse how the process goes forward.  It is far better to tell your spouse you are done while at a marriage counselor’s office, than to have him/her find out when served with divorce papers at work.

Of course, as in all things divorce, circumstances alter cases (I seem to be on a cliché roll today).  If you need to be very clear and gain some tactical advantage, then serving your spouse at work may be appropriate.  It depends.  This is also something you should discuss with your attorney and your therapist.

Best,

Nancy