October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Nearly one in four women and one in seven men in the United States have suffered severe physical violence by an intimate partner. Female to male and same-sex violence happens and are just as bad, but often less reported. Many are surprised to hear that men are also subject to domestic violence. In fact many men are reluctant to admit that violence is occurring.
Some Victims Don’t Realize They Are Victims
Abusers start small and follow a cycle that tends to be similar. Anger, denigration, blow up, abuse and apology… followed by penitence and some good times before the cycle begins again. Only worse. As the cycle repeats it becomes harder and harder for the victim to leave. Abusers tend to be highly manipulative and convince their victims that they are worthless, powerless and unable to escape. Some victims become so accustomed to this treatment that it becomes their new version of normal, and they lose an urge to leave.
There are many toxic, abusive marriages where there is no physical violence. However, the victim is subject to such unending, demeaning denigration that he or she becomes stuck in the turmoil and unable to leave. As hard as it may seem, the best advice is still to LEAVE as soon as you realize you are a victim. As a friend or family member, it’s heartwrenching to see a loved one trapped in an abusive relationship.
Help Is on the Way
If a loved one is in harm’s way, there’s always hope. Massachusetts has innumerable shelters, this site lets users search by town to find one nearby. The Commonwealth also has a very strong domestic violence abuse prevention law, Massachusetts General Law Chapter 209A. We even have a pet protection law as part of our domestic violence protection which protects pets from abuse as well. This is wonderful on so many levels. Some people are afraid to leave an abusive relationship without their pets because they fear (reasonably) that the abusers will turn on the animals. Children going through abuse and forced to hide in shelters were often forced to lose their beloved pets as well.
The resources are out there. If you or a loved one are in a dangerous or abusive situation, you can get help through the National Domestic Violence Hotline at http://www.thehotline.org or by calling 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).